One of those Sundays

It's 12:07am on Monday morning and yet here I am wide awake, penning (typing) this out. That should be some indication of how the weekend has been. Lately I've been feeling, as Bilbo Baggins would say, like butter scraped over too much bread. I feel stretched thin - in my time, attention and energy. I should be clinging to His grace being sufficient but it has been hard.

This past summer was a trying one. It seemed to be one spiritual attack after another - from possible demonic visitors to our website being hacked, the trials seemed to never end. The summer is also a hard time because so many people are out of town which leaves roles to be filled and church seats empty. It was a stretching season but God graciously strengthened us in each trial.

Fall is here - a new season! That means some Portland rain (it was a hot summer), cooler weather, our daughter turns 2, Thanksgiving, and California weddings galore (you people need to stop getting married and having babies, seriously.) I am excited for Fall.

However, I know it will be a busy and trying season - though hopefully in a different way than Summer was.

Anyways, yesterday was just one of those Sundays where everything goes wrong. And that's why I can't fall asleep. The past few weeks have been hard and this weekend seemed to be the crescendo. When you already feel tired, having a weekend that is exhausting is not helpful. It all started Saturday morning when Trevor woke up feeling sick. Saturday is Trevor's study day (for Sunday)- however, he also began Seminary this month, so he had a paper due by midnight too. Oh, and the wonderful person who sets up our Sunday morning sound system, chairs etc (he really is great- I'm not being sarcastic here), let us know he wouldn't be there. This meant Trevor and I needed to set it all up. And the only time we could do it was Saturday night.

As I begrudgingly made the trek with our little family to our church building which, thankfully is right next door to our apartment, I felt a little bitter. Trevor was exhausted and sick. It was almost Ali's bedtime. Why are we doing this? We began to set up. And after a spider scared me half to death and I sliced my hand on a table I assembled, I again began to feel a little bitter. I wanted to text a few people who lived nearby to help us set up. It shouldn't be us. Others need to help and serve too, right? As I pondered these things in my head, I began to realize the error in my thoughts. Do I believe I am above this? Was it really that bad to have to set up one time when we have a faithful servant who has been doing it for us for months now? As I prayed through my emotions, I confessed my sin - 'Lord, help me never feel above anything. I am not. Lord, help me be grateful for the 99 times our church is set up by someone else, not upset about the 1 time we need to do it. Forgive my heart, Lord'

I was reminded of why were are here. We are here to serve. While our leadership team is amazing and they do so much, I never want to depend on them to do the "hard" work. I want to do the hard work and I am called to do the hard work. That's why we moved here. And while it was difficult and tiring and probably didn't help my husband's sickness, we did it. And I am grateful.

That night, neither one of us slept well. I could tell Trevor wasn't feeling better and after I threw some Mucinex at him at 2:30am, I began to dream about church the next day and that Trevor wasn't able to teach and everything was a mess. After that restless night, we headed over to church in the morning. Sound check went great. I was excited about doing a new song. A woman in our church brought delicious bagels (she's even gluten free- how thoughtful).

Service began and our small group joined in singing. At the second song, the new song, the projector went out. No lyrics. That's ok - it happens. As my sick husband got up to preach, I sat down with a nice cup of tea to warm me up in our chilly church. A few minutes in, one of the kids in kids ministry was brought back in as he was having a hard time in class. His mom recently got saved (woo!) and had brought her unsaved fiancee to church with her which we were excited about. Unfortunately, they were both in and out of service to tend to her son. Then, the kids came upstairs to use the restroom at which point Ali started to fuss. I helped calm her down and somehow got her to go back to class. As I excitedly sat back down (it's been ages since I could sit in service and actually listen), I managed to spill my warm cup of tea all over my pants. Everyone laughed. It was actually quite hilarious. Just another thing. It was almost as if everyone was aware of something happening. Satan's sad and sorry attempt at attacking us. We finished up worship and communion and chatted for a bit as we began tear down.

After arriving home and getting our nap-deprived child fed and asleep, I took a moment to text the woman who brought the bagels to thank her for serving our church. Her response struck me. She said what a "classic" Sunday today was - that she was praying so fervently the whole time that there were points where she couldn't even hear the teaching. She listed the things that "went wrong" today. But she ended with "the gates of Hell cannot prevail against what Jesus is doing through Nexus! What an awesome morning."

At that point, I hadn't even stopped to reflect on the morning. Looking back, it was crazy. So many things "went wrong" and things could've been better in a lot of ways. However, we aren't promised an easy road. In fact, we are told quite the opposite- we will face trials and tribulations. I remember in jr. high one of my youth pastors saying "where God is moving, Satan is opposing." I believe God is moving here - we have seen so much evidence of that, from salvation to provision, I could go on and on. God is doing a work here. Satan is opposing - but the gates of hell shall not prevail.

As tired and exhausted as I feel right now, I am grateful to be a part of what God is doing. I know I must cling to His grace, which is sufficient. It is. And in my weakness, He is made strong in me.